#NoRegerts, JOMO, and the Secret to Making a Decision

One of my favorite pictures circulating around the internet shows a brilliant tattoo that says, “No Regerts!” It’s now a frequent joke between my wife and me when it’s time to make a decision and move forward. “#NoRegerts!” For me personally, it has become a great reminder to try to move past those three haunting words that plague our lives – shoulda, coulda, woulda.

Without question, the most influential book I’ve read this year is Four Thousand Weeks, Time Management for Mortals, by Oliver Burkeman. As a reformed time-management guru with a hyper-efficient system for getting it all done, Mr Burkeman describes his transition to a more thoughtful and deliberate approach to using his time. He takes a philosophical look at our relationship with time and how we approach decisions. If we live to the average age of about eighty, then we have approximately 4000 weeks to make the most out of our short time on the earth. I’m over half way there – which is quite a sobering thought.

His first key to better living is to embrace the fact that we are finite individuals, making finite decisions, with finite time on earth. Often how we use our time comes from a desire to maintain limitless options and accomplish everything. We want to get it ALL done! We see everything our friends are doing on social media. Our bucket list is constantly growing and we fear what we might be missing out on. But the author points out that it isn’t until we embrace our limited decisions that we can finally understand the Joy of Missing Out. 

What?? I know all about FOMO, but I’d never heard of JOMO! When we spend time thinking about what we should have done, could have been, or what would have happened, we lose our ability to be present and live in the moment. We lose out on the opportunity to make the best out of the situation we’re in now, because our focus is elsewhere. Living in the present demands our attention.

One of my favorite concepts was his discussion on our need to settle. This seems to go against common thought because we should always strive for the best. But you can’t fully commit/enjoy something until you settle for it – your spouse, your career, your home. I think all of us wonder how our lives would be different had we made “better” choices. Maybe in marriage we wonder if life would have been more fulfilling had we just waited for someone a little better? Maybe choosing a different major or specialty could have brought fulfillment and wealth? But this is the secret – as long as those thoughts exist, you’ll never be able to find out if the person you “settled” for could be the perfect partner or the career you chose is your optimal path. Until you commit, you’ll never know. 

Mr Burkeman teaches that the word decide comes from the same root as the words suicide and homicide – to cut off. When we make a decision, we cut off all the other choices we could have made, and the almost infinite number of choices downstream. No wonder we are prone to frequent second-guessing! Find joy and satisfaction in life by making a commitment to living the life you have, rather than the one you could be living. Just that change will give you the power to live the life you actually want.

Try to think about where in life you might be living with regrets or second-thoughts. How would it feel to live without them? Maybe you should get a tattoo to remind yourself that there’s a better way…. 🙂

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

Nate